The Q in LGBTQ+

The other day, I came across some Youtube videos about asexuality, and it got me thinking... (Video 1, 2, 3) And then I watched Tyler Oakley's most recent video about the events that happened in Orlando... I started wondering what the Q in LGBTQ+ really means, like, I know it stands for queer, but what does "queer" actually mean?

Now, I went to trusty Google with this question, and some of the results that I found confused me. Some websites said it was basically a modern word for gay, lesbian, transgender etc, while others said that it was a word for politics (this is the part that I don't understand). But, after reading multiple websites, Ive come to the conclusion that at least in the acronym LGBTQ+, the Q is basically an umbrella term for everything else, an "other" section.

This "other" section doesn't get talked about very often, does it? The videos mentioned above on asexuality certainly doesn't get much attention. In fact, I've seen many people in Facebook comments, and other comments online saying that it doesn't even exist.

But it does!

Even less talked about is the term "demi-sexual." While I was looking for the definition of "queer" I came across some lists of "common LGBTQ terms" and their definitions (1, 2, 3). Only one of those mention that term.

Okay, so what is demi-sexual? Lemme tell you a thing... For many people, sexual orientation is just one thing; if he's gay, he's just gay, and if she's straight, she's just straight. But really, sexual orientation is a spectrum. It's okay if you feel like you can't be entirely defined by any of the terms that are currently out there, because everyone is different.

I feel like before I explain demi-sexuality, I should probably define asexuality. An asexual person is a person who does not feel sexual attraction towards other people. That is not to say they can't have sex, it's just that they don't want to, and don't feel the need to do it. Like I said before, sexual orientation is a spectrum, so different people can feel asexuality in different degrees. Some may have sex and be impartial to it, and others may never have sex because that's just not for them. A great analogy is presented in this video (the cake analogy is honestly the best thing ever).

Now, enter demi-sexuality, as I'm sure many of you can derive, demi-sexual people are kind of the "in-between" of sexual and asexual people. Demi-sexual: a sexual orientation in which the person will not feel any sort of sexual attraction with another person, unless there is a strong emotional bond, usually in a relationship (I'm sorry it took me so long to get to my main point :s)

For my entire life, I never understood why I didn't feel the same feelings that other people felt. I hated it when people put their arm around me, used me as an arm rest, put their head on my shoulders, gave me long hugs, held hands etc etc. But all the other people felt okay with it.

And even more than that, I didn't understand how friends with benefits worked, like it's mind-boggling to me how someone could have sex with someone else and not be in love with them. That just doesn't make sense to me, the same way it doesn't make sense to a straight person when they think about having sex with someone of their same gender.

For me, there are very few people that can stand very close to me/touch me without making me feel uncomfortable (the same way you'd feel weird if a stranger started invading your private space), and there are even less people in which I would feel comfortable having sex with. I felt very alone, in the world of "omg let's hookup" or "everybody's having sex, let's do it!"

Then, one day, I was scrolling on Tumblr (as you do), and I came across a text post that talked about demi-sexuality. Obviously, I don't have the link to the original post, as this was a long time ago, but as soon as I read it, it was like everything suddenly made sense. There are other people that feel the same way as I do!

Since then, I have been put in several situations in which I felt the need to explain my sexual orientation, and the usual response is just, "what's that?" or "you haven't tried hard enough." Like WTF, I think I know how I feel, thank you very much.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it kinda sucks to feel so alone in this. I don't even know another person who feels the same way I do. And it really doesn't help when the people I do try to explain it to don't even believe me.

I don't think I'm ever going to "come out" and make a Facebook post, or whatever, because that would just be too much explaining, so here I am, writing this post, so that I can link the individuals to it in the future, when I find myself in those situations again. (props to me being so lazy)


If you can relate with me, PLEASE tell me, oh my god, it would be such a relief to be able to actually talk to a real human being that is like me. As always, thanks for reading.
--J

PS. in no way am I trying to say that my life is so hard, so horrible, so difficult, or that I suffer more than anyone else, please don't think that. I know that other people have it much much worse, but I just want to tell a story that doesn't get heard often.

8 Shows You HAVE TO See

Gosh, sometimes it astonishes me how much great content there is in this world. And, I, like most other people, love snuggling up in bed to watch a good TV show, so I thought I'd share some of the ones I like the most with you :)

1. Sherlock

To me, Sherlock isn't really a TV show but more more of a series of movies, as every episode is 1.5h long. I love Benedict Cumberbatch in this show, I love how he can string together long lines at an amazing speed and not mess up. I also love Sherlock's relationship with his partner-in-crime, John Watson. BBC does a very accurate modern interpretation of Conan Doyle's books. If you haven't seen the series, you must.

Avatar

By Avatar, I'm talking about both The Last Airbender and Legend of Korra. The first thing that I really noticed with these two shows is the different art styles. Legend of Korra seems to have a very comic book art style, while Last Airbender looks more like an anime. 

Even though these two shows are meant for children, it still has a very gripping storyline, one that I would say is better than some of the adult TV shows I've seen. While I was watching these series, I found myself wishing that magic like this existed, that I, too, could be a bender. It's the perfect mixture of serious action and comic relief. If you want to watch this show (which you really should), I recommend clearing up your schedule, because you will not be able to stop at just one episode.

Scandal

Yes, yes, I know this is not the most recent show, but I started about a week ago and I must say, I'm hooked. I'm not even done the series yet, and I already know that it's one of my favourites. I love how many powerful, smart, and cunning women there are in this series, I love how the main character is a strong independent black woman. This show has a way of conveniently leaving out crucial information that the plot needs and ends every single episode on a cliffhanger, which only makes me want to see the next episode even more, and thus the reason to my binge-watching behaviour for the past week.

As a person who is a sucker for corny endings, the love triangle I found myself in was perfect to keep my eyes peeled to the screen. I can't properly review this one, as I haven't finished it, but there is something truly amazing about this show, and if you were to watch even one episode, I think you'd see what I mean.

Gossip Girl

Another oldie, but another goodie. The story starts when the super rich and super popular Serena Van Der Woodsen arrives back in the Upper East Side of NYC. There, we meet her best friend, Blair Waldorf. Blair, who is by far my favourite character is so sassy and cunning; her remarks make my entire life.

As we watch, we get entangled in the drama of the Upper East Side, watching as an anonymous blogger, Gossip Girl, leaks everyone's secrets. If, like me, you've dreamed about living lavishly, with more money in your bank that you could imagine, this show is for you. Side note: this show contains one of my favourite ships everrr XD

The Vampire Diaries

Don't judge till you've seen it, okay? I know the vampire fad died out a long time ago, after Twilight, but, this show is nothing like the die-hard romance you find in many other vampire series. Even though this show is mainly following Elena Gilbert and her love interests, it's so much more than that. Through The Vampire Diaries, a whole new world is created, a world whose history seems to all surround in Mystic Falls. While I ship Blair and Chuck so hard, they have nothing on Delena. Delena forever!!

InuYasha

I have no shame in admitting that I am in love with this children's series. Honestly, I don't even understand how this was meant for children, the storyline is so bloody and gruesome sometimes that I would rate it PG 13 at least. If you're going to watch this, I recommend watching it in Japanese with subtitles. That way you can really see the exact words of each character and their intended tone.

From the beginning, you can tell Kagome and InuYasha were destined to be with each other, but, for 99.9% of the story, they remain only friends, and I love that about the story. There love for each other is completely emotional and not tinted by physical attractiveness at all and that hits me right in the feels. Not ashamed to say that they're my OTP <3 <3 (insert crazy fangirl noises here)

Suits

Canadians represent!!!! I feel so proud of the fact that I can recognize some of the sets in Suits because it was shot in Toronto, even though the story itself takes place in New York. Suits is about an illegitimate lawyer who is a super-genious-mastermind and the lawyer that hired him. As their relationship grows, and drama surfaces, we learn that they would go to any lengths possible for the people they love, especially each other. This is another binge watching worthy show, so set aside a lot of time for this one, folks!

Once Upon A Time

Why don't I hear people talking about this more often!?!? This show is golden! I can't be the only one who still loves a good fairytale... This show starts when Emma is taken to Storybrooke by Henry, a son she had and gave up for adoption. Henry tries to convince Emma that she is the daughter of Snow White and that all the fairytale characters were stuck without their happy endings. Emma is the Saviour, she is the one that will bring back all the happy endings. But, being the normal, sane adult Emma is, she doesn't believe Henry. 

This show is so friggen good. Unlike Disney, where everything is super duper happy and everyone is fine and dandy, Once Upon A Time tells these fairytales in such a real and heart-wrenching way. The producers almost make you believe that this could have indeed happened, in a far away land, in another reality. This show is the perfect mix of magic and the real world. If you really like princesses, and fairies, magic, and adventure, this show is the one for you!

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Yeah, when I started to write this post, I didn't realize it would end up just being a massive fangirl session for me. So, sorry if I don't make sense at some points; it's only because I am so so so excited and passionate about these shows. They honestly are the best ever. 

If you have any shows that you think should have made this list, please comment below, because binge watching shows is one of my all time favourite activities ;)

--J

To all Those That say That Sexism is not Real

If I knew the source, I'd link it here, I'M SORRY

Recently, I've had many converstations, and seen many conversations happen in which people said that sexism does not exist anymore, and that women are just complaining. I'm going to try to refrain from swearing in this post, but What the heck!?!?! Like.... actually, what the heck; are you kidding me? I guess it can be hard to understand some of the struggles a woman may go through more often than men.

This is not to say that all these situations are exclusive to women, because in most cases, they are not.  But here's a compilation of stuff:

Don't exclude me because I'm female!

I've seen so many times where girls that are fully competent at a task (say basketball) get completely ignored by males. In the entire game, they would just not pass it to her, because she was a female, and apparently females, even if they're good at it, are not as good as the males. I understand that as kids grow up, there becomes more and more of a physical difference between the sexes, but, as kids, you're BASICALLY the same. So what's your excuse?

Like, I get it, don't pass the ball to me, ever, because I literally will ruin the game for the team. BUT that's not because I'm a girl, that's because I'm a slut. And, just because I, and other females, cannot play basketball does not mean that NO girl can play basketball. Your gender does not determine your ability to do things. Please, don't assume.

I can't study while your legs are showing!

Okay, I can't stand this one. So often, I see these articles about girls being sent home from school for wearing "inappropriate" outfits, when in reality, most of the time, the outfits are perfectly fine. "Please go home and change, your outfit is distracting." Distracting to who?! Are males going to jizz in their pants because they can't stand seeing knees, or arms, or some collar? Why must a girl need to go home to change an outfit where there's nothing wrong with it? So that the precious boys can learn? What are the girls going to do about the time that it took for them to get home and back? Don't girls need to learn too? 

I understand, if the outfit is actually inappropriate, it would be fair to send them home. But often, that's not the case. Here are some examples: 1, 2, 3, 4.

Wage gap... Complicated, but real.

Okay, this one is a bit of a hard one to exist... So I'm gonna let John Green do it for me XD here it is.

Child Marriage

This one just makes me a mixture of both sad and mad. Those poor, poor girls in less developed countries. They don't deserve that, no one deserves that. I just wish they had a chance to grow up, physically and mentally. I wish that they had more freedom in who and when they got married, and when they needed to have kids. It breaks my heart that this still happens. 

Being Feminine is not a bad Thing

Another video link for this one, I think they say it better than me. Here's a video of the creators of ASAPScience, in which they talk about the overwhelming amount of comments on their videos that criticize the way they act "like women", are "so gay." Neither of those things define how good of content-creators, or educationers they are. In fact, I think they're great at what they do, regardless of how they may present themselves. 

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These are just some of the examples out there. (Honestly, I'm just super tired right now and this list is getting long anyways.... I wonder if anyone is still reading LOL) But yeah, sexism is still happening, all over the world. There are SO many things I have yet to touch upon. And one day, I hope that this stuff won't be a thing anymore, and that men and women will have the chance to be who they want to be without being discriminated because of their gender.

Thanks for reading,

--J

Who am I? ...I Don't Really Know.

Who is this girl? I have no idea...

I know that I'm weird, and I know that I'm random, but I really have know idea who I really am. I tweeted a tweet earlier on the lines of "you are you, and that's all you're ever going to be, so be the best you you could possibly be," and I've decided, it's time to find who I am, and the best I can be.

Today I realized that a lot of what I do isn't for me, it's for other people. For example, I wouldn't say certain things because other people didn't want me to, or not post a picture I liked because someone told me it wasn't good enough. Not only that, I would also wait for and desire validation from others, usually in the form of likes on social media.

I'm tired of this. I don't want to live a life where I'm pretending to be someone else, when I don't even really know who I am. So, from now on, I will post whatever I want, say whatever I want, when I want without a care in the world, because this is me.

It's time to find out who I really am. I'm going to do this by first finding out what it is that I like, and then putting it out there in the world, even if someone else doesn't like it, because, let's face it, someone out there will always be a hater. I want to study more, learn more, and create more.

Overall, I just want to be me, and just me. And, surely, someone out there will like me for who I am..... right!? (lol).

So yeah. Since this is a pretty big part of my life, expect more updates.

--J

4 Study Tactics That Work

After two weeks of intense day-after-day of evalutations, lab reports, and assignments, the knowledge of needing good study tactics has been even further ingrained into my head, haha. Here are 5 study tips that I try to apply every time I have a ton of things to do!

1. Interval Study

Much like interval training, interval study is when you study for a period of time (usually 30 minutes, for me) and then take a short break (5 minutes). When you have a lot of things to do, you might think the last thing you should be doing is wasting time on breaks (like who has time for that shit??) But, it is important to give your brain a bit of a breather once in a while. During your break, your brain will have time to refresh itself and process the information that you threw into it in the last 30 minutes.

An app I use for this is Forest (available on iOS and Android). Not only does this app notify  you when you finish your mini study session, it also prevents you from getting distracted by going on your phone! (Killing two birds with one stone is always the way to go!)

2. Electronics = OFF!

I've already touched on this point above with the app Forest, but guys, it is so so so important to eliminate your distractions by turning off your electronics! It sounds obvious, but you have no idea how much it can help until you actually do it. 

Sometimes, you might need to use the computer, but not the internet, in cases like that, I'd advise you to turn off the wifi. If you need the internet, then maybe look into add-ons that will ban you from using certain sites (ie. Facebook, YouTube, Twitter) for a certain amount of time. Although I don't do this, an example of this type of add-on is StayFocused.

3. Have a Plan

It's a good idea to have at least a rouch idea of what you plan to accomplish every day. For me, I make a to-do list of all the things I ideally will finish every single day for a week, when I have busy weeks (eg. read chapter 12 for chemistry and finish lab report on monday). There's an actual week of my life where I did this, and it really helps! It's also a good idea to write down due dates, so you know the maximum amount of time you have to do something.

4. Lifestyle Matters

The way you live when you're super duper busy matters, too! If you're too stressed, your preformance levels will start to drop and you won't be able to do as much as you ideally could. So, to prep yourself so that you can achieve your maximum potential, get at least 6.5 hours of sleep. (I would say get a full 8 hours, but, really, who has time for that?) 

You are what you eat! Seriously! Putting junk into your body will only make you feel sluggish. Make sure you stay hydrated and fill your bodies with lots of nutrients! There are all sorts of foods that can help boost your brain power so you can get the most out of your time. Examples of these foods include avocados, blueberries, and broccoli. Read this for an explanation for what some of these foods are good for.

One last thing, IISuperwomanII recently posted a video called "5 REAL Ways to get Your Work Done" in which she outlines 5 seriously awesome strategies that we can implement into our lives when we want to get crackin'. (Seriously go watch it, it's an awesome video)

Anyways, I hope these were at least some what helpful. Do you have any tips that I didn't mention? If so, please let me know in the comments!

--J

DON'T BE SUCH A WASTE!

Hello from the other side!!! [..of midterms haha] I've actually thought about writing this post for a long, long time, but for some reason never got around to it. I think it's simply because there's so much stuff to write about that it just seems like a mammoth job. I'm gonna try to keep this short and concice though. This is a very important issue to me, and I've recently become a lot more troubled by it.. so here it goes!

I would add an image source... but I really cannot seem to find its source... so sorry!

In this day and age of mass purchasing and spending, we are wasting and throwing out more than ever! The average American makes ~4.5 pounds of garbage a day, and that's a statistic from 2007. I wouldn't be surprised if that number is much higher today.

Ever since going to university and eating university cafeteria food, I have been forced into many more situations where using reusable containers was not a choice. And as a person who hates wasting material, I feel absolutely terrible for using something for say half an hour and then throwing it out (ie. A coffee cup, or a paper plate). The campus where I go to school is home to another 12 thousand students. 12k students every day, using plastic cups, plastic utensils, paper/plastic containers, that's a huge amount of waste!

On a much bigger scale, think about how much garbage food courts make in a day just from one-use objects! And some times, you think you're putting your waste into recycling bins, however, nothing is being done. This is the case for Tim Horton's and Starbucks (at least, in Canada).

I encourage everyone to get aquainted with this topic, if they are not already. A great place to start is by watching "The Story of Stuff." To gain inspiration to start taking action, check out Mind Body Green to read the story of Lauren, an NYC girl who hasn't made any trash in two years.

Now, of course, you don't have to go to that extreme, because for many people, that kind of lifestyle is highly unattainable. But, if we all do little things collectively, we can provide a solution to a big problem. Instead of getting coffee in the traditional paper/plastic Starbucks cups, you can get your own reusable travel mug (and even get a discount!) Personally, I carry around my own set of utensils (fork and spoon) so I never have to use the plastic ones.

There's so many things we can do to put an end to this overspending on such unnecessary things that it seems silly to not do anything about it.



Thanks so much for reading,

--J

Almost New Year!

I can't believe 2015 is almost over! Feels like the year's barely started, and now its over. Feels like these years just get shorter and shorter, eh?

I feel like many people make many new year's resolutions; at the start of the year, they're super motivated and stick to all of them. But, as the months pass, one by one, the resolutions are forgotten. It's a vicious cycle that gets repeated year after year.

If we concentrate all of our motivation of being a better person towards a few resolutions instead of many, we might actually make it to the end of the year. This year, I've come up with just two resolutions for myself, and I think everyone else should have at least these two on their list, too.

1. Try to see the best in every situation

Often, its pointless to jump to the worst situation. This is something I do a lot, and its draining. And, (obviously) everything is okay in the end, I mean, we made it this far and we're still alive, right? Instead of freaking out, and jumping to the worst conclusions, try to stay calm, and know that everything will be okay in the end.

2. Spend sensitively

By this, I mean to save money, and only buy things you really need. I know that many people say "Money shouldn't matter," and they're right, but, as a poor uni student, I can say that it really does. And I really need to conserve in that aspect.

Care to share some of your resolutions in the comments below?

--J

Beauty and Time

Hey guys!

I got the idea for today's post a few weeks ago, actually (I never had the chance to write it, or post it, simply because FINALS) But anyways...

After a particular shower on a particular day, I was putting on what I thought was the world's softest bathrobe, when suddenly, I realized, the bathrobe wasn't soft anymore. When I had first felt it, it was like heaven at my fingertips, but now, a year later, it just feels normal. I mean, it's still soft, it's just not THE SOFTEST THING I'VE EVER FELT anymore; I had gotten used to its texture. And that got me thinking.

So many people lose the ability to see the beauty in the city/town they live in, and the people that they're most often associated with. How often do locals stop and stare in awe of the beauty of their city? When we see the same thing every single day, it starts to lose its lustre. Is getting used to something, being desensitized, just another fact of life or should we strive to see the continuous beauty in everything?

Maybe it's important to have the skill of being able to see the beauty in something old. After all, it's the little things in life that matter the most. The next time you're walking to work, or on the bus, look around; what kinds of things have you overlooked everyday? Perhaps there's a beautiful pot of flowers around the block of your favourite coffee shop, or maybe the cashier at your local drugstore has the most beautiful smile. Just stop, and look around you. There's so much beauty in everything, and it's a shame that we let ourselves get used to it.

If you let yourself get used to the things around you, what about you, yourself? You have to see and live with yourself every single day. Maybe that's why so many people can't see the beauty in themselves. They've gotten so used to that face staring back at them in the mirror every morning that they can't see how breathtaking they are.

So maybe it IS important to have the skill of being able to see the continuous beauty of things. Don't get used to it, guys. Once in a while, it's a good idea to look at the world with new eyes, and appreciate what it has to offer.



Man, I feel like this post was all over the place, I hope you guys got the gist of this, haha, I'm half asleep as I type this.

Thanks for reading!

--J