The Q in LGBTQ+

The other day, I came across some Youtube videos about asexuality, and it got me thinking... (Video 1, 2, 3) And then I watched Tyler Oakley's most recent video about the events that happened in Orlando... I started wondering what the Q in LGBTQ+ really means, like, I know it stands for queer, but what does "queer" actually mean?

Now, I went to trusty Google with this question, and some of the results that I found confused me. Some websites said it was basically a modern word for gay, lesbian, transgender etc, while others said that it was a word for politics (this is the part that I don't understand). But, after reading multiple websites, Ive come to the conclusion that at least in the acronym LGBTQ+, the Q is basically an umbrella term for everything else, an "other" section.

This "other" section doesn't get talked about very often, does it? The videos mentioned above on asexuality certainly doesn't get much attention. In fact, I've seen many people in Facebook comments, and other comments online saying that it doesn't even exist.

But it does!

Even less talked about is the term "demi-sexual." While I was looking for the definition of "queer" I came across some lists of "common LGBTQ terms" and their definitions (1, 2, 3). Only one of those mention that term.

Okay, so what is demi-sexual? Lemme tell you a thing... For many people, sexual orientation is just one thing; if he's gay, he's just gay, and if she's straight, she's just straight. But really, sexual orientation is a spectrum. It's okay if you feel like you can't be entirely defined by any of the terms that are currently out there, because everyone is different.

I feel like before I explain demi-sexuality, I should probably define asexuality. An asexual person is a person who does not feel sexual attraction towards other people. That is not to say they can't have sex, it's just that they don't want to, and don't feel the need to do it. Like I said before, sexual orientation is a spectrum, so different people can feel asexuality in different degrees. Some may have sex and be impartial to it, and others may never have sex because that's just not for them. A great analogy is presented in this video (the cake analogy is honestly the best thing ever).

Now, enter demi-sexuality, as I'm sure many of you can derive, demi-sexual people are kind of the "in-between" of sexual and asexual people. Demi-sexual: a sexual orientation in which the person will not feel any sort of sexual attraction with another person, unless there is a strong emotional bond, usually in a relationship (I'm sorry it took me so long to get to my main point :s)

For my entire life, I never understood why I didn't feel the same feelings that other people felt. I hated it when people put their arm around me, used me as an arm rest, put their head on my shoulders, gave me long hugs, held hands etc etc. But all the other people felt okay with it.

And even more than that, I didn't understand how friends with benefits worked, like it's mind-boggling to me how someone could have sex with someone else and not be in love with them. That just doesn't make sense to me, the same way it doesn't make sense to a straight person when they think about having sex with someone of their same gender.

For me, there are very few people that can stand very close to me/touch me without making me feel uncomfortable (the same way you'd feel weird if a stranger started invading your private space), and there are even less people in which I would feel comfortable having sex with. I felt very alone, in the world of "omg let's hookup" or "everybody's having sex, let's do it!"

Then, one day, I was scrolling on Tumblr (as you do), and I came across a text post that talked about demi-sexuality. Obviously, I don't have the link to the original post, as this was a long time ago, but as soon as I read it, it was like everything suddenly made sense. There are other people that feel the same way as I do!

Since then, I have been put in several situations in which I felt the need to explain my sexual orientation, and the usual response is just, "what's that?" or "you haven't tried hard enough." Like WTF, I think I know how I feel, thank you very much.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it kinda sucks to feel so alone in this. I don't even know another person who feels the same way I do. And it really doesn't help when the people I do try to explain it to don't even believe me.

I don't think I'm ever going to "come out" and make a Facebook post, or whatever, because that would just be too much explaining, so here I am, writing this post, so that I can link the individuals to it in the future, when I find myself in those situations again. (props to me being so lazy)


If you can relate with me, PLEASE tell me, oh my god, it would be such a relief to be able to actually talk to a real human being that is like me. As always, thanks for reading.
--J

PS. in no way am I trying to say that my life is so hard, so horrible, so difficult, or that I suffer more than anyone else, please don't think that. I know that other people have it much much worse, but I just want to tell a story that doesn't get heard often.

To all Those That say That Sexism is not Real

If I knew the source, I'd link it here, I'M SORRY

Recently, I've had many converstations, and seen many conversations happen in which people said that sexism does not exist anymore, and that women are just complaining. I'm going to try to refrain from swearing in this post, but What the heck!?!?! Like.... actually, what the heck; are you kidding me? I guess it can be hard to understand some of the struggles a woman may go through more often than men.

This is not to say that all these situations are exclusive to women, because in most cases, they are not.  But here's a compilation of stuff:

Don't exclude me because I'm female!

I've seen so many times where girls that are fully competent at a task (say basketball) get completely ignored by males. In the entire game, they would just not pass it to her, because she was a female, and apparently females, even if they're good at it, are not as good as the males. I understand that as kids grow up, there becomes more and more of a physical difference between the sexes, but, as kids, you're BASICALLY the same. So what's your excuse?

Like, I get it, don't pass the ball to me, ever, because I literally will ruin the game for the team. BUT that's not because I'm a girl, that's because I'm a slut. And, just because I, and other females, cannot play basketball does not mean that NO girl can play basketball. Your gender does not determine your ability to do things. Please, don't assume.

I can't study while your legs are showing!

Okay, I can't stand this one. So often, I see these articles about girls being sent home from school for wearing "inappropriate" outfits, when in reality, most of the time, the outfits are perfectly fine. "Please go home and change, your outfit is distracting." Distracting to who?! Are males going to jizz in their pants because they can't stand seeing knees, or arms, or some collar? Why must a girl need to go home to change an outfit where there's nothing wrong with it? So that the precious boys can learn? What are the girls going to do about the time that it took for them to get home and back? Don't girls need to learn too? 

I understand, if the outfit is actually inappropriate, it would be fair to send them home. But often, that's not the case. Here are some examples: 1, 2, 3, 4.

Wage gap... Complicated, but real.

Okay, this one is a bit of a hard one to exist... So I'm gonna let John Green do it for me XD here it is.

Child Marriage

This one just makes me a mixture of both sad and mad. Those poor, poor girls in less developed countries. They don't deserve that, no one deserves that. I just wish they had a chance to grow up, physically and mentally. I wish that they had more freedom in who and when they got married, and when they needed to have kids. It breaks my heart that this still happens. 

Being Feminine is not a bad Thing

Another video link for this one, I think they say it better than me. Here's a video of the creators of ASAPScience, in which they talk about the overwhelming amount of comments on their videos that criticize the way they act "like women", are "so gay." Neither of those things define how good of content-creators, or educationers they are. In fact, I think they're great at what they do, regardless of how they may present themselves. 

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These are just some of the examples out there. (Honestly, I'm just super tired right now and this list is getting long anyways.... I wonder if anyone is still reading LOL) But yeah, sexism is still happening, all over the world. There are SO many things I have yet to touch upon. And one day, I hope that this stuff won't be a thing anymore, and that men and women will have the chance to be who they want to be without being discriminated because of their gender.

Thanks for reading,

--J

DON'T BE SUCH A WASTE!

Hello from the other side!!! [..of midterms haha] I've actually thought about writing this post for a long, long time, but for some reason never got around to it. I think it's simply because there's so much stuff to write about that it just seems like a mammoth job. I'm gonna try to keep this short and concice though. This is a very important issue to me, and I've recently become a lot more troubled by it.. so here it goes!

I would add an image source... but I really cannot seem to find its source... so sorry!

In this day and age of mass purchasing and spending, we are wasting and throwing out more than ever! The average American makes ~4.5 pounds of garbage a day, and that's a statistic from 2007. I wouldn't be surprised if that number is much higher today.

Ever since going to university and eating university cafeteria food, I have been forced into many more situations where using reusable containers was not a choice. And as a person who hates wasting material, I feel absolutely terrible for using something for say half an hour and then throwing it out (ie. A coffee cup, or a paper plate). The campus where I go to school is home to another 12 thousand students. 12k students every day, using plastic cups, plastic utensils, paper/plastic containers, that's a huge amount of waste!

On a much bigger scale, think about how much garbage food courts make in a day just from one-use objects! And some times, you think you're putting your waste into recycling bins, however, nothing is being done. This is the case for Tim Horton's and Starbucks (at least, in Canada).

I encourage everyone to get aquainted with this topic, if they are not already. A great place to start is by watching "The Story of Stuff." To gain inspiration to start taking action, check out Mind Body Green to read the story of Lauren, an NYC girl who hasn't made any trash in two years.

Now, of course, you don't have to go to that extreme, because for many people, that kind of lifestyle is highly unattainable. But, if we all do little things collectively, we can provide a solution to a big problem. Instead of getting coffee in the traditional paper/plastic Starbucks cups, you can get your own reusable travel mug (and even get a discount!) Personally, I carry around my own set of utensils (fork and spoon) so I never have to use the plastic ones.

There's so many things we can do to put an end to this overspending on such unnecessary things that it seems silly to not do anything about it.



Thanks so much for reading,

--J

Rant||An Unpopular Opinion on Marks and Grades

Hello, everyone!

I can already tell you right off the bat that there will be no lovely eye-drawing images for this post (sorry!), this is purely a rant.

If I were to say "Grades shouldn't matter" in a high school, or even worse, a university/college setting, I would probably get death glares and a suggestion to seek mental help. But it's true, grades shouldn't matter.

The objective shouldn't be to get a 4.0 or a 90% average, or whatever it is you're aiming for. Because, that way, every time you fall short in the semester (and trust me, it will happen), all you'll feel is crap, and you'll be mad at yourself.

I think, the way to approach being successful in school is to not worry about the grades, and instead, tell yourself, "I'm here to learn, and I'm here to do it to the best of my ability." I think these two ways of thinking will eventually get you back to the same results, except the latter will contain less stress.

While aiming for that 4.0, doing your best should be something you're already doing. Except, sometimes, "your best" isn't at the numerical value that you're aiming for. Doing your best forces a mindset where you are always striving to improve yourself, where on the other hand, trying to hit a 85% or 90% does not. Once you get that percent average that you wanted, you've put yourself in a position where you can say, "I'm good enough." With the other method, you're constantly asking yourself, "Can I do better?"

To me, the most important part about school is getting something out of it. What's the point of getting a good mark if you've just hitched a ride with someone else, and you yourself are still very confused on the topic?

If you continuously strive to hit a new "best," the grades will eventually come along. At least, that's what I found to work.

Anyone have different opinions? Comment down below.



Thanks for reading!

Jackie

Do it For You

Have you ever apologized for your appearance? "Oh sorry, I haven't got any makeup on today," or felt weird going outside without your daily concealer/mascara/powder/bronzer etc.? Well, you shouldn't. Why should you feel the need to apologize for who you are and what you look like?

Who you are without makeup is the real you and you should love it! Superwoman made an amazing video on this topic, and frankly, I could not think of a better way to word it, so go and give it a watch, if you haven't already. :)

On the other side of the spectrum, I don't know about you, but sometimes, I have those days when I'm not going anywhere, but I just feel like putting on makeup and dolling myself up. And that's fine too! I feel like I shouldn't ever just dress or make myself up a certain way just for someone else. I should do it for me, too. So, if you want to wear your prettiest dress with a full face of makeup, while lounging around at home watching Netflix, you go do that, just because it makes you happy.

It's really important to know that you don't need to be all dolled up to be "pretty". You're pretty just the way you are :) I know that sounds super corny and cringe-worthy, but it's true. It might be really difficult to come to terms with, but you are who you are and it's all you've got. You might not be blessed with supermodel legs, but you might be blessed with the most beautiful smile. Learn to love yourself with all your imperfections, and start doing things for yourself.


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Rawr,

Jakie